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Baby Delainy

Friday, December 27, 2013

Time Marches On

Well it is the end of another adventurous year and as the next one is ready to begin, I find myself thinking about the experiences and the time that I have had in life. I wonder did I spend it well? Did I do the right things? Did I accomplish anything from my efforts? Honestly I believe each of these questions can be answered yes and no. I am proud of my accomplishments and sad of my mistakes and shortcomings. Its hard not to dwell on those things that you failed doing. I feel that my kids are my greatest accomplishment and being a mom is my greatest failure. I try so hard to be a good mom to my beautiful kids and I love them more than life itself. I will always do my best to let them know that. I feel that my every waking moment should be with them teaching them everything that I know and the good morals and knowledge I want to implant in their heads. I want to encourage right choices and enjoy every minute. I have so many wants for them and I feel that that is mostly what they are. If this was a perfect world, I would be able to do everything for my kids and not have one thought of regret thinking I should have worked with my daughter more on potty training because if I had she would not be 3 and in diapers or the thought that my son is in his crib crying while I lay down for a minute of sleep. For every mom out there we have different obstacles. My obstacles as a full-time working mom working at nights and has depression sometimes is to have energy and to teach my kids. In this I feel that I have failed. I want the world for my kids but have no energy to do so and I listen to the many other mom even in my same instance that are super moms. Why can't I be that person for my kids? In this I have failed. With each senario raising a family is hard and well worth it. I thank God every day for my beautiful kids but am I giving them everything they need? No I am not but I am giving them what I can, love and a foundation for life. Yes my house is a mess and I don sleep when I can. All I can do with myself is give it my all and hope I raise those kids the best I can. It is a neverending vicious cycle for me, a constant battle in life. I pray my kids will become the best people they can be and hope I contribute to their good decisions. As I struggle I know that my kids are worth it. They are my everything.
All I can do is try to improve in the new year. We will always suceed, we will always fail, but we will always love, we will always learn. As time marches on I know who I want to be and to see in the mirror, some one who has tried and given 100%, some one who always wants to suceed even knowing you might not. Doing everything I can to give my kids the things they deserve and to give hope. They make me who I am and I hope to help make them into the strong positive individuals they can become. 

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